Can’t I Like Girls Too?
by SnorkackCatcher
Summary: Tonks tries an experiment while talking to Remus at 12GP. Features various Order members past and present, onstage and off ... [Refers to slash, which may offend some people. Refers to het, which may offend some other people.]


**Can't I Like Girls Too?**

"I bet _you_ really miss him, don't you, Remus?" asked Tonks, completely out of the blue.

Remus started. That was the kind of pointed question he hadn't expected in the middle of an idle lunchtime chat at headquarters about other members of the Order. "What do you mean?" he asked guardedly.

She put her coffee cup down on the kitchen table and tilted her head to one side, as if to give him careful consideration. "I wasn't sure whether it would be tactful to bring it up, but since you did mention him just now ... well, from the Order gossip I heard ... weren't you two, at one time ... you know ..."

Remus interrupted her before she could go into detail. He had absolutely no idea how she might choose to express herself, but it seemed a good bet that he would find it embarrassing. "Together? In love? Or did you just mean _shagging?_" He rolled his eyes in resignation at her grin. "Yes, yes, and _yes_, if you really want to know, _Nymphadora._ We were all of those things … once."

Tonks winced. If he was using her first name, it meant that she had to have touched a nerve. But she decided to press on regardless. After all, it wasn't as if Remus Lupin could be persuaded to talk about personal matters every day of the week.

"_Once?_ A long time ago, you mean? But ..."

He sighed. "And again more recently, _yes_. But ... that wasn't as serious as you seem to think, though."

"No?" she said disbelievingly, watching his face.

He gazed at her in exasperation. By the sound of it, everyone and their bloody _Crup_ had been discussing his love life. He hesitated; Tonks could be annoyingly inquisitive, but she was undoubtedly easy to talk to and be with. And undoubtedly easy on the eye, too, he thought, although that wasn't really relevant.

Unfortunately …

Not to mention that she was Sirius' little cousin ...

He couldn't see any way out of answering the question. "_No._ Look ... I'll admit it was a very intense – and yes, very _physical_ – relationship at one time, when we were both still young men at Hogwarts, and immediately afterwards when we were in the Order together. But we were sort of drifting apart anyway, and then ... well, it's hard to trust a werewolf when most of them are on Voldemort's side, isn't it?" There was just a trace of bitterness in his voice.

"Not necessarily, if you get to know him," she replied, looking him right in the eye. He flushed slightly and looked away and Tonks suppressed a smile; it was always so delightfully easy to get a reaction from him when she did that. She realised, with a definite quickening of interest, that she'd spent a lot of time recently wondering if there might be anything more to it. She remembered Remus blushing when Sirius joked that he'd always suspected him of being a werewolf who could wag his tail both ways if he wanted to ... "But you drifted back together again, didn't you?" she probed.

Remus was unable to meet her eye, which annoyed him no end. "Yes ... when it all started up again, all the old crowd back together. I suppose it felt like old times for a little while. I'm sure he wanted to make it up to me for being suspicious the first time around. But it ... well, it just wasn't the same, Tonks, to be honest. Too much time had gone past. There was too much _past_, even if we _did_ still fancy each other."

"Well, I can't blame anyone for fancying a good looking bloke," observed Tonks in a judicious manner. "I fancied him myself."

Remus actually gaped at her. "_You_ fancied him? But you couldn't have done, you're ..."

"Hey, why not?" she said defensively, heading him off before he could make the obvious – and annoying – remark that she was sure was about to cross his lips. Which was indeed a thought in _itself_, of course … She grinned at him mischievously. "I reckon it was the long thick hair that did it for me. I'm a bit of a hair person, you know."

He found himself grinning back, against his better judgement. "I've noticed. But even so ..."

"Look, does it matter now?" She shook herself. "How do you think Azkaban affected him?" she added in a quiet voice. "I only ever saw him a few times before they locked him up, but the man I saw afterwards always seemed … well, _haunted_ is the best way I can describe it. Most of the people we see who come out of there are. _I_ found it hard to take, and I wasn't even the one he was especially close to."

Remus scowled. "Let's face it, Dementors sucking at your thoughts all day every day would be enough to drive _anyone_ out of their mind, even someone who was fully in control of it before they went in. And yes, he eventually found ways to handle it, and yes it could have been worse, but when he got out ... well, it was like something important had left him. I'm not sure what." He paused for a moment, his face hardening. "I really despise Dementors, did you know, Tonks? Foulest things on the planet, _true_ dark creatures. I wish the Ministry had never come to an agreement with them, even if I can see the logic of preventing them roaming freely. I suppose it's just that I've seen too many people affected by them."

"I can understand that," said Tonks, her face hardening in turn. "Sirius ... even as a dog he never got that much respite, did he? And Harry ... well, I remember what you told me once. They're his worst nightmare, aren't they?"

"Yes. And it's not as if the poor kid doesn't have plenty to choose from. A lot of what's happened to him has been no joke. And then ..." He looked up. "You know, saying that, it's just struck me _what_ it was that seemed to have left him. He'd lost most of his sense of _humour_. He'd always be joking and grinning and winking at you, it was part of who he _was_."

"Is that why it didn't work between you when he got out?" asked Tonks. She gave him a tentative smile. "I know you're quite a joker yourself when you want to be. I bet you wouldn't want to know some of the things Sirius told me about you."

He winced. "I bet I wouldn't either." He stared out of the kitchen window for a moment. "Actually, no, that wasn't it. I've no problem with people being depressed, in what are, let's face it, _bloody depressing situations_. But I don't think _he_ was able to cope with it, or with me. The old fire simply wasn't there any more, however hard we tried to rekindle it. Oh, it never stopped us being good friends ... supporting each other when we were down ... but, well, just not as lovers. We couldn't make it work, however much time we spent together."

"I see. Must have been painful for you too, Remus, to see him like that."

He nodded, without even realising that he'd never usually admit to that. "It was, yes. And he was _innocent_ of the charges they pinned on him, of course, that's what made it particularly galling. Death Eaters fitting him up ... it happens too often."

Tonks hesitated, picking her words carefully. "What's it like for you now he's not around any more? I mean, I miss seeing him about the place too, and I didn't really even _know_ him that well ... I suppose it can be hard to move on?"

"No. Honestly, no. It _is_ tough, but ... well, to be brutally frank I'm used to losing people in all sorts of ways. I'm sorry if that sounds heartless, Tonks, but it's just something I've had to learn over the years to stay sane."

"You don't sound heartless, Remus," she said gently, catching his eye again. "Just really, really hurt."

"Yes. Perhaps." He smiled, although she saw that it didn't reach his eyes. "Too old for my age. Well, sometimes I just feel too old for that sort of thing full stop."

"Not in _my_ opinion."

She saw him tense up and pull back a little. "What's the matter, Remus?" she said lightly. "Never had a _girl_ pay you a compliment before?"

"Of course I have," he said, slightly stung. "It's just ... well, a surprise coming from you. It feels uncomfortable when it's obviously not serious."

Tonks raised her eyebrows slightly, and decided that she couldn't reasonably hope for a better cue than that. If she was ever going to test her cousin's theory, now was the time.

"Oh, I was being perfectly _serious_, Remus," she said softly; then she leaned forward, took his face in her hands, and kissed him, with far more apparent confidence than she really felt.

For a stunned moment or two, Remus couldn't quite believe what was happening; then he found himself responding to the kiss with fervour, almost with urgency, reaching across the table to pull her closer. It took several seconds of delightful intensity before a realisation of the sheer absurdity of what they were doing hit him, and he pulled away.

"Tonks!" he half-shouted, with what he knew must be a fairly stupid look on his face. "What are you _doing?_"

She grinned at him, feeling a lot more self-assured now that her experiment had worked. "Come on Remus, you must know what a kiss is by now."

"But ..." he spluttered. "Tonks, this is insane, you can't possibly want me ..."

"Why not? Because you're too old, perhaps? Don't be daft."

"No – well, I _am_, but quite apart from that ..."

"Too poor, maybe? Well, it's a wrench to give up my dreams of being a kept woman, obviously, but I think I can manage pretty well on an Auror's salary."

"Being poor doesn't help, no, but ..."

"Wait, don't tell me, let me guess. You want to tell me you turn into a dangerous creature at the full moon, and I might get hurt?" She looked at him with wonderment. "Remus, I already _know_ you do. _And_ I know you do _everything possible_ to avoid hurting people. But even if the worst came to the worst –" she held up a hand to forestall him "– I'm trained to deal with the situation. Look ..." She hesitated again; the recent turn of events had been rather unexpected, but _damn_ if it hadn't felt right. "Look, no joke ... if you'd be prepared to take a chance and risk being with me, I'm certainly prepared to take a chance and risk being with you. We've always really liked each other, haven't we? And I think what just happened shows pretty damn clearly that we'd _both_ like to try it."

He stared at her with a kind of hopeful disbelief. He swallowed. "All right, yes. Yes, you're right. I would. But I don't think those are problems to just Vanish away, either. Because really, I _am_ too old, and too poor, and too dangerous, but apart from that, because, well, there's the obvious fact that you're ..."

"I'm Sirius' cousin? What, that feels creepy to you, or something? Because don't let it, it's not like we were ever close before or anything. As I always tell people, he was in Azkaban half my life and before that our families never met!"

"Well, I can cope with that, but ..."

"_Now_ what? Er – you're too flagrantly homosexual?" she said jokingly. "Because ..."

"No, because _you_ are!" he exploded.

He had to admit, she took it with real aplomb.

"Am I, Remus? Wouldn't you say you have evidence to suggest otherwise?" She waggled her eyebrows at him in a teasing manner, and he bit back his first instinctive, impatient remark.

"Look," he said carefully, anxious not to say the wrong thing and spoil an unexpectedly promising development. "I didn't know whether it would be tactful to bring it up, but ... well, the gossip in the Order is that you and Hestia Jones ... weren't you two ... you know ..."

"Shagging like mad?"

"Yes!" He couldn't decide whether to be embarrassed or impressed by her disconcerting frankness on the point.

"Yes, we were," she said seriously. "But that happens to be _over_ now, Remus. I don't cheat on people."

"But then ... why me, why ... well, a _man_, if you were having an affair with her?"

"Why not? Can't I like girls too?"

He shrugged helplessly. "I suppose so ... it's just a bit of a surprise, that's all."

"Good." She got up and moved towards him. "Now then, Remus, before we do anything else, let's get this out of the way once and for all. Have you any _other_ reasons why you think we shouldn't give this a try? Any of _your_ past affairs that might be a problem? Anyone you're not over yet?"

He rose from his chair and gave her a smile that he tried his best not to make wolfish. Well, not _too_ wolfish. "I can't think of anyone," he said, drawing her close for a kiss that he had no intention of breaking off after a few seconds. As he slid his hands down her side, she reached up towards his head; well, maybe she really _was_ a hair person ...

"_Moony?_"

Remus and Tonks jumped apart, startled, at the sudden interruption. Sirius was standing in the doorway; his evident surprise rapidly giving way to sheer glee.

"Um, Padfoot, I was, just, um ..."

"Taking advantage of my poor naïve little cousin, Moony? I'm _shocked_ at you." This statement would have been considerably more convincing if he hadn't been grinning from ear to ear. "Glad to see you're getting over Sturgis, anyway, although I didn't expect to see _either_ of you branching out like _this_ ..."

"Why not?" said Remus defensively, his arm finding its way around Tonks' waist. "Can't I like girls too?"

"That's my line," said Tonks, with a grin wide enough to match that of her cousin.

"Where is your old lover-boy Sturgis, anyway?" asked Sirius, giving her a look – or rather a Look – in passing. "I haven't seen him around much since he got out. I thought he could bring me up to date on how things are in dear old Azkaban."

Remus couldn't help noticing the bitterness that crept into his voice at the name of the prison. "Albus sent him to France," he replied apologetically. "He speaks the language, you know, so he's liaising with Madame Maxime." He didn't think it tactful to mention that Dumbledore had done so because he thought the change of scene might help restore Sturgis Podmore to effectiveness as a member of the Order after his hard time in Azkaban, but he was sure his old friend would deduce this immediately.

Sure enough, Sirius scowled. "I wish _I_ could get out of this blasted place like that. I _hate_ it when my friends and family have to go out and fight the war for me."

Tonks detached herself from Remus and crossed the room to Sirius, who was showing every sign of wanting to stalk moodily out of the kitchen. She grabbed his robes and shook him. "We don't. We go out and fight it _for you_. So that you won't _have_ to stay in here and suffer. Got that?"

He gave her a twisted smile. "Thank you, little cousin. Just so as you know; I'll put up with whatever Dumbledore asks, as long as Harry's not in danger. If he is, I'm going to go and help him come what may. Agreed?"

Tonks and Remus exchanged first glances, then nods. "Agreed."

"I would never ask you not to, Padfoot," added Remus quietly.

His twisted smile widened. "Thanks, Moony. Glad to see the future of the Black line is in –" it became a smirk "– _good hands_. At least, from what I could see when I came in." He disappeared back up the stairs, chuckling loudly.

Tonks turned round with an equally broad smirk. "Where were we ..." She caught sight of Remus' expression, and her face fell. "Oh look Remus, don't take my idiot cousin seriously! I'm not already planning what we name our first multicoloured werewolf cub or something!"

Remus once again found himself grinning despite himself. "That's good to know. Look, just ... what do you actually _want_ from this, Tonks?"

She shrugged. "At the moment? Just _you_, Remus. I like you a _lot_. I'm not saying I'm in love with you or anything, but I'd _really_ like to explore the possibilities and see where it might take us. Deal?"

Remus stared at her. He could see a _lot_ of possibilities, ranging from the very good to the very bad, and couldn't help but feel that he _was_ too old, too poor and ... well, all the rest of it, but right now the idea was looking really, _really_ good. He wasn't sure what he was getting into, but ...

He took a deep breath. "Deal."

She reached up to kiss him again, then with a grin simply concentrated for a moment and gave herself an extra few inches of height to bring their lips level. He grinned back.

"Well, I always did rather like leggy girls," he said, in as deadpan a manner as he could manage with her this close to him. "I might just _have_ to fall in love with you now. Should I tell you that?"

"No problem, Remus," said Tonks. "If I ever _do_ fall in love with you, I'll probably tell you at least a million times ..."

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**Notes:** Inspired by the Can't Remus Be Bi? Thread at FictionAlley Park, which always did seem like a mere proxy for "can't we have past Remus/Sirius as well as canon Remus/Tonks?" by Wolfstar fans. So I thought I'd try a story in which, yes, you _can_ have him bi if you really want, but that doesn't mean he had to be shagging _Sirius_ ...

And just to clarify … that was Sturgis Podmore they were talking about throughout as Remus' past love interest! He was a member of the original Order but from his appearance must have been around the same age as the Marauders, and his six months in Azkaban during OotP would have finished in about early March, a few months before the Department of Mysteries battle. We never did find out what he did next in canon. So in other words, an ideal decoy here. :)

There was no particular reason for making Tonks bi as well, other than the throwaway joke of having her be the first to use the story title. And no, it's not how I personally see the characters. :)


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